Name: It's All An Illusion (Chapter 5)
Subject: danisnotonfire and AmazingPhil (Phan)
Genre: Angst & Tragedy
Word Count: 800+ (sorry for shortness)
Author's Note: reAAAALLY LATE COLLab with GlassGem, kittyxuchiha11, and alices8wonders. Sorry for the delay; I've been pretty busy. Enjoy.
That 'Doctor Moon' guy didn't seem too enthusiastic. Honestly, he was a bit foreboding when he went through that list and I took a while to answer a question. He sat there and sighed as I wracked my brain for an answer and it didn't help me the slightest bit.
Naturally, I said whatever came to my head first at times, but other times, I didn't want to seem crazy, so I said something normal, like 'I don't know,' or a simple 'yes' or 'no'.
"So, Dan, you say there are 'voices' you hear in your head; what do they say?"
I was heartbroken enough now that Phil was dead and it was Phil that was talking to me. I didn't know what to think of that question, so I sat there, feeling my stomach sink lower and lower, the dull pain in my head I hadn't told anyone about becoming worse as I stressed.
"All I hear is Phil telling me to 'wake up' or some shit, not much else," I pursed my lips, "Sometimes he'd beg and plead and yell and it's just getting worse as the days progress." I finished and saw that bitter and arrogant look appear again. He obviously didn't believe me.
"I see," he sighed, "Is he violent; does he tell you to do things?"
There a long and pretty awkward pause between the two of us as he scribbled notes into his sheet of paper. He put his pencil down after a few minutes and looked at me again, "Are you experiencing any other symptoms?"
"Headaches, God, those damned headaches." I put my head in my hand and lazily sat there, watching his pencil move immensely fast. I thought a heard a 'yeah, sure,' muttered under his breath and that really pissed me off. This guy was disrespectful.
"This is something a lot of people experience, Dan. It's not harmful, and it's not this 'Phil' you say it is-" he huffed, and I've had it.
"What the hell is your problem?"
His expression turned disappointed and a bit deleterious, "You're the one with a problem, Dan. This is schizophrenia."
"Jesus Christ, are you kidding me?" I stood up and opened the door, stomping out of the room. I was done with that asshole, so I was up and walking down the hall to the lobby where I met a lady at the front desk.
"I'm done," I said sharply.
"Alright, have a nice day, sir." she waved as I walked to the elevator, tapping my foot as I waited for the elevator that finally came in the next few seconds.
As soon as I was in the parking lot again, I was out. Before I knew it, I was walking through the streets of London, faintly lit by street lights and headlights of passing cars and I sat on a bench to wait for the city bus, crossing my arms.
It was freezing, probably lower than 30 out there. I sighed and watched my breath become one with the air, doing loops and spins as it faded away. I felt abnormally sullen, most likely due to the incident with that douche bag they called a psychiatrist. I sunk into the seat just before the bus came to a halt in front of me and I walked up the steps and into it, sitting down on a seat, thoughts racing through my head.
This is your last chance, Dan. You've got to wake up.
My head shot up as soon as I heard the voice, Phil's voice. I've learned to ignore it, but…what did it mean by this was my last chance?
My head was already up, so I looked around the bus. There were all sorts of people there; the homeless, a few teenagers, a mother and her happy smiling daughter, but…it all felt a bit unreal. That's the only way I could put it; I was dazed, absent. I didn't know where I was or where I was going and that left me paralyzed with fear. I was sure my mum was worried about me, but I didn't mind at the moment. She'd understand, I do this more often than I should.
Maybe I'd head to the pub, maybe go to the bridge like I always do and stare out onto the river and the beautiful houses built next to it, illuminating the trees and the rest of their surroundings with a golden light from inside, or maybe I'd just get off at the next stop and go home. I didn't know where I was heading.
They're going to pull the plug, please, Dan, just wake up!
I put my elbows on my thighs and my head down, rubbing at my temples. This was really starting to scare me and irritate me all at the same time. I didn't know what do anymore, and I was beginning to wonder, to really think about it...
Was I really crazy?